Strangulation .... a turn on, or death sentence?

Nov 24, 2024

7 min read

I sound a bit extreme but let's face it, there's no safe way to strangle someone.

I've read in articles and other sites that some people enjoy being strangled during the throws of passion. What? Call me old fashioned if you must, i've never understood it personally, it scares the living daylights out of me if i'm totally honest. My fears come from losing friends growing up who hung themselves, friends who walked into the woods alone, in their best clothes, make up all done. They told their parents they were staying at a friends house, they told their friends that they were babysitting for other friends, then they set off on foot, walking through the trees until they found the spot where they would end their life. Then there was Jack, who I snogged growing up. He experimented with cutting off his air supply for sexual gratification (erotic asphyxiation). His naked body was found by his dad in his wardrobe, a belt around his neck.

So how can cutting off or restricting your air supply be sexy?

From a policing point of view, let's say someone has called in and reported you dead. For the sake of an example, you've been at your partners address and have passed away. At the moment, the person you love are telling Police that when they woke up this morning they found you with an old tie wrapped around your neck, you're pale, cold and unresponsive, they can't find a pulse. They've been told to start chest compressions (CPR).

I've just been detailed to a sudden death / potential suicide. I'm on my way, along with the ambulance crews. I'm coming to the address to speak with your partner, they were the last person to see you alive. I wonder what they are going to tell me?

We arrive and you are pronounced dead, they give me your time of death for my log. The crews confirm you've got bruising to your neck. I start speaking to your partner asking questions about your mental health, your medical history, when was the last time you saw your doctor, did they expect this, what was your mood like last night?

I speak to other family and friends who tell me that you were happy, no history of illness or mental health. One of your friends tells me that you were getting married but your partner is a bit creepy, they are into bondage. You'd confided in your friend that your partner had been pestering you into choking them, just to see how it felt because they really wanted to do it to you.

My work would also involve taking photos of your body, i'd check you over for other injuries, maybe I'm starting to think that someone did this to you? I'd seize your phone, laptop, computer, look at your internet history, work out if you'd been searching on ways to take your life or maybe you've been researching strangulation, looking at the dangers for yourself. Look for a suicide note, strange late night messages to friends, quotes on social media that look out of place.

Let's just say that you actually gave your full verbal consent to let your partner strangle you, you discovered a new euphoric sensation and it was actually YOU who have been pressuring your partner to choke you until you pass out.

I can't ask you what happened anymore, so what would you tell me?

There are people who control their partner, with physical violence, fear, power and control, restraint, making them gasp for breath, putting their partner in a terrifying position, making them believe that their life is about to be taken away from them.

It's a disturbing and complex topic. No matter what people tell me, I don't judge them. I listen and can offer advice and support. If a crime has been committed then I will discuss making a formal complaint. Your safety is all i'm concerned with and getting you medical help after strangulation is our top priority.

So what are we looking at:

'Breath play' as it's called in BDSM communities. People are apparently being introduced to this via porn or memes such as "choke me daddy".

A euphoric head rush, a pleasurable sensation which can be caused by a lack of oxygen to your brain .................... Mmmmm look harder ................ can you see your dead relatives waving at you from the light at the end of the tunnel.

Non-fatal strangulation (NFS) is not sexual choking, it's non consensual sexual strangulation. Associated with partner violence and if you're strangled by a partner, you are seven times more likely to be seriously injured or murdered by that partner in the future. NFS has been linked to PTSD and other psychiatric conditions.

Consensual choking 'gone wrong' - at the end of the day, it will be their word against someone who is dead wont it. "Yeah she loved it, a bit of rough, a bit of sexual choking, the look on her face as I was pounding her, as she struggled for breath. My hand getting tighter and tighter around her neck. God it was exciting, I was so turned on. We had a safe word, she could have used it couldn't she, she could have tapped out, although she also loved to be tied down". ....... Oh, so she could speak to you then, as you strangled her, as she struggled to breath, as she was panicking, trying to get oxygen into her lungs, she wouldn't have been thrashing about in euphoria would she, maybe just maybe, she was dying?

After 6-7 seconds of someone cutting off your air supply you'll pass out. You might not remember that you've passed out though. It can have a lasting impact on your mental health, causing depression and PTSD. A loss of consciousness can also cause brain damage, memory loss and facial droop.

After 15 seconds you'll urinate; and

After 30 seconds of someone cutting off your air supply you might lose control of your bowels and poo.

You might experience the following symptoms during strangulation:

loss of vision and/or blurred vision;

tunnel vision;

seeing stars and lights;

dizziness or fainting;

difficulty speaking;

loss of strength;

loss of hearing; and

pain.

Symptoms after strangulation:

neck injuries;

pain;

swelling to neck, mouth, tongue;

bruising;

hoarse voice;

pain and difficulty swallowing;

coughing;

vomiting;

headaches;

memory issues;

red/bloodshot eyes; and

red spots around your face, like pinpricks called petechiae.

One I didn't know .......... but you're at greater risk of experiencing a stroke too.

UK Law

Section 70 Domestic Abuse Act 2021 (DA Act 2021) introduced the offences of non-fatal strangulation and non-fatal suffocation. Schedule 2, paragraph 4 DA Act 2021 introduced the offence of racially or religiously aggravated non-fatal strangulation or non-fatal suffocation. The offences came into force on 7 June 2022 and are not retrospective.

Section 75A(1) a person (“A”) commits an offence if:

A intentionally strangles another person (“B”), or
A does any other act to B that –
- affects B’s ability to breathe, and
- constitutes a battery of B.

The common methods of non-fatal strangulation are:

manual – one or two hands held around the neck of a person
chokehold or head lock – external pressure applied by an arm around the neck
ligature – for example a scarf or belt tightened around the neck
hanging
pressure on the neck from a foot or knee

You're putting your life in someone else's hands

There is NO safe way to choke.

Getting help

If you are in immediate danger or it's an emergency call 999.

You can make an appointment to see your doctor, they will be able to signpost you to help, it will also act as a record and if you are injured, the injuries can be documented with your consent.

'Injury capture' app - download from Google and App stores

An app that lets you record injuries sustained during domestic violence.

If you can't add the app to your phone because of safety reasons, ask a trusted friend to keep the app on their phone.

'Bright Sky' app

Looks like a weather app on your phone but once opened takes you to a supportive webpage that lets you document incidents, capture images, seek advice and get support in your area.

If you would like to report an offence then contact your local Police force.

They will be able to guide you through the process and go through your options, our first and main priority is your safety and wellbeing.

Freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge

0808 200 0247

www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk

Institute for Addressing Strangulation (ifas.org.uk)

www.ifas.org.uk

Refuge - National Domestic Abuse Helpline

0808 200 0247

www.refuge.org.uk

Galop (for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people)

National LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline